November 30, 2008

too soon?

I bought Baby's first gift- a decoration for the nursery. It's vinyl wall lettering by Once Upon a Wall. I found it at Joann and got it for 50% off with a coupon. Score! It comes in a cute little cardboard tube tied with a ribbon and would make a really cute gift.

Ours says:
the beginning of all things...
wonder, hope,
of possibilities."
I think it will be just precious on the wall over the crib.

Now that I've officially purchased something for the baby, my anxiety about miscarrying has increased a little. That combined with the fact that we've started telling people, and it's feeling more real. I'm paranoid that it will end just as quickly as it began.

Here's hoping that doesn't happen.

November 29, 2008

don't worry, you'll figure it out!

Actually love, it's week six in pregnancy weeks, which only makes it four weeks since conception. I know, details, details...

Week One of knowing, Week 6 after Conception. This weeks thing is BS

Alright. Things have settled down a little bit. The "Oh shit my life is over. I'm never going to get to see Europe, Bali, or Fiji. I don't know how to be a parent. This kid is going to end up worse then me and that's saying something." feeling has worn off. Most of our family is up to speed. Our close friends are on board. They're surprised, but on board. And like I said. The shock and panic have subsided into sort of a constant nagging "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..." chanting in the background.

The plans have started for converting the library into the nursery. Don't get the wrong impression. The library is a book shelf and a chair. Lulu went through her closet today to pack up the items that she'll not be wearing for the next few months. I tried to ask for binkies and blankets for my upcoming birthday, but I was told I should be asking for things for myself. How do they know I haven't regressed in to some pacifier sucking Linus? They don't know.

I think I'll be reaching out to the people I know that have recently brought children in to the world to find out how they do and and see if they have any tips for us. 

looking forward

Hubby asked me last night if I feel different now that I'm incubating his offspring. I do, physically, in the following ways: boobs, as previously mentioned, are sore; abdomen is bloated and distended; I get hungry and thirsty really quickly and unexpectedly, like I haven't eaten or drank for a week, but it just sneaks up on me all of a sudden; I've had a few moments of lightheadedness; I feel more tired and lazier than ever, if that's possible; and there's a weird new heavy/tight feeling in my pelvic region.

Mentally, I'm still adjusting. I'm excited and scared and nervous and anxious, usually all at the same time. I don't know what I'll be doing for a job in a month and a half, which really complicates the timing of this whole adventure. If I'm looking for a new job, do I tell them that I'm pregnant or not? Should I just temp until the baby comes?

What about insurance? I have some now, but if my job goes away, so does that. I can get covered through hubby's work, but that means an extra expense we can't really afford. And we can't even live off of his salary alone, I don't think. What are we supposed to do when I can't work because I'm in a hospital squeezing a baby out? And after? It's pretty scary if I actually sit down and really think about it, so I'm really just trying not to right now. I have to just trust that it will all work out.

I'm really excited for what the next few months hold for us. We're going to have a great adventure, and I think we'll be amazing parents.

November 28, 2008

week six

Starting out pretty much like week five, except boobs = even more stabby ouchy uncomfortable. Also, since I'm retaining an ocean of water and haven't really pooped in a week or so, my clothes already don't fit me. Sweet!

Given a perfectly valid excuse for shopping, I braved the Black Friday crazies and took myself to the local Target for some bigger shirts and camis. Those ones with the built-in bra just don't cut it anymore, and it's only going to get worse. Since I'm such a good bargain hunter, I scored 5 tops, 7 camis, and a pair of work pants for $140. That should get me through until I actually look pregnant and can't button up my jeans anymore...

November 27, 2008

Gobble Gobble

Yeah, Thanksgiving. Turkey, stuffing, family, football, wine... Only- oh yeah, no wine for me. We bought a bottle of Fre alcohol removed red wine so I could at least pretend, but I gotta say, that stuff tastes terrible. Like grape juice that got left out on the counter for a week. And it's just so not the same.

Today was also the day that we shared the news with the family. We're really doing a great job of hitting the major holidays with big announcements. Easter was the marriage bomb, so we figured no better day to spread the word than today. And since everyone's all together in one room, it's just so much more convenient. There were some tears, some hugs, some well-wishes. Your typical responses, I would imagine.

We're left now with a full bottle of fake wine, a fridge packed with leftovers, and a sink brimming with dishes. Happy Turkey Day to us!

November 26, 2008

a little help here?

So I called the doctor to schedule an appointment, assuming that they would clear their books for me and demand to see me in the next 24 hours. Instead, my name, phone number, and the start date of my last period were recorded by the receptionist; and I was told to expect a call from the office scheduler in the next few days, or at least by Monday. Hello? Perhaps you didn't hear me... I'm having a BABY! Clearly, I'm not the first woman to perform such a task, but seriously.

Oh, and then the nice lady said that everything should be fine, as long as there was a doctor available in the month of my due date. WHAT? Are you suggesting that I might have to call around to other doctors to schedule my birthing? It's not like I want tickets to see the Jonas Brothers or something...

But Deanna, the giver of appointments and assigner of doctors called me back right away. She checked some things in her book, and said that there were three doctors available in July, when this is all supposed to go down. Of course, my scientifically calculated due date is actually July 29th, which means this thing probably isn't going anywhere until August sometime, and the doctor probably won't be around any more then, such is my luck.

Then Deanna says that I can come in to see the doctor at the eleven week mark, aka the FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY! Until then, I'm apparently just supposed to hang out and not do anything that might make me get un-pregnant, like crack or skydiving.

Honestly, I really thought that maybe there would be a little introductory visit, where they give me a pamphlet and a pack of prenatal vitamins, and tell me not to eat sushi or drink or smoke. Instead, I got the phone call equivalent of a pat on the butt and a hearty "go-get-em tiger" from the coach. Even when I asked her if there was anything I should, you know, do between now and then, she was just like "oh, prenatal vitamins would be nifty". Hmm. Okay.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: thank god for the internet and half-price books!

November 25, 2008


It's Tuesday, that's one week after the date that my period should have arrived. And its been three days since I woke up and peed on an EPT stick to set my mind at ease that things were just out of whack and of course I wasn't really pregnant.

At first, I was reassured because the test was definitely looking negative, but as I sat there looking at it I'll be damned if the thing didn't just get darker and darker every second. I got in the shower, trying to remember from the directions that I thrown away- "now, the plus means not pregnant, right?" Because that makes sense.

After my shower I found an older (okay, it was expired) First Response test and squeezed out enough pee to saturate that one too. It took a while for the wicking action to finish it's work, but eventually my urine managed to climb up far enough to form not one, but two pink lines. Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser indeed.

A couple minutes later I started shaking and panicking hard core. Um, pregnant? Excuse me? But we had agreed that we weren't ready! And yes, I was off my pills, but only for a minute, and we always used protection, every time. Okay, so maybe there was that one time that the thing broke, but I went the next morning for emergency contraception and I followed all the directions and everything. I cannot possibly be pregnant.

Gus was outside mowing the lawn, so I wandered around for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do. Finally I went to the front door in my bathrobe, but I couldn't say anything, so I just motioned for him to come inside. I led him to our bed, where I had put the two positive tests, and I just started to bawl. He immediately folded me up in his arms and just kept saying it would be okay. I told him I was sorry, but he said there was no reason to be sorry. He asked me what I wanted to do. I said "buy another test and try it again tomorrow" because they say that the first morning pee is the best to test, and those ones were clearly old and faulty. Obviously.

Fortunately, we had plans for the afternoon to hang out the local pub and watch the Apple Cup with a friend. It was an excellent distraction, especially because Gus is a Cougar and bleeds crimson and all that. I passed on the brew during the game, not like it would have really mattered considering I had like five the night before, but I hadn't known then what I knew now and I'm not trying to make my baby grow two heads or anything.

So, the next morning, I took my fresh new pee stick out of the box and figured if there was ever a time for the whole "third time's a charm" thing to come in handy, it was now. Two minutes later, another big blue plus was staring up at me.

So here we are, five weeks pregnant with a three week old blob of cells dividing and taking root in my uterus. Of course, it's still early and plenty can happen, but life as we know it has officially changed. We now have 35-ish weeks and counting to figure out how to deal with that. Holy shit.

November 24, 2008

Oh Baby.

It's been 2 days since I found out the wife is pregnant. I think it's fair to say that I will be freaking out for a while.

This was not expected. We were not trying. We had talked about it, but my "not feeling ready yet" had won out over her "other people dumber then us have pulled it off." The conversation had been postponed until March (an arbitrary date). Of course, that conversation had been replaced with another similar conversation about cute puppies. I can happily report, that conversation has now ended...temporarily.

So we're going to be parents. Everything I was concerned about on Friday no longer has a place in my mind. Any stops in my though process prompt a flood of overwhelming concern. What is wife going to be doing for work in 3, 6, 9, 12, 16 months? Where is health care and funding going to come from for wife and baby? How are we going to afford all the things the baby is going to need? Who is going to care for the little one when wife goes back to work? And wife is going to need to go back to work cause I can't support us all. Should I sell everything in the house so I can pay off some debt?

If this everlasting panic isn't enough, I know very little about raising these tiny people. I believe in being prepared for stuff which is one of the reasons I didn't want to have a baby yet. I own a lot of survivalist books. I'm ready if the world ends. . I'm ready for living in the woods, mountains, and desert. I'm ready for driving off a road in to a river. I'm ready for most situations that I will never have to encounter, but I am not ready for sleep deprivation, constant feeding, crying, pooping, peeing and caring of a little one. So we made a trip to half priced books. Here is what we picked up.

The Baby Owner's Manual. A women in Half Priced Books said if we were expecting that her husband loved this book. It refers to the baby like a computer model and I have to tell ya, it kind of takes the edge off. It's like a quick reference guide for all things baby. Pretty good so far.

The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy. I told my Assistant General Manager that my wife was reading what to expect when you're expecting and a few weeks ago and she said it was an awful book and she should read this we picked it up. Wife is reading it now and I'll let you know what she says about it. I'll probably read it after her so I'll give you my 2 cents as well.

Hopefully these books will help me feel more prepared for this whole thing, and I think this blog is going to be a large outlet for my preparedness rantings so be prepared... And lets all cross our fingers for a book deal. I am aware most people try to avoid talking about this stuff in the first Trimester because so much can go wrong, but just because we aren't supposed to talk about it doesn't mean I'm not freaking the fuck out. So I am going to blog and if something goes wrong, we're just going to deal.