Well, we did it. I finally sucked it up and realized that I wasn't going to be able to pick out the perfect magical crib that would make Baby sleep like a dream and solve world hunger in it's spare time. I decided that we just needed to pick one out, and all the disgruntled reviewers in the world were just making things too hard on me. Instead, we chose to listen to our bargain-hunting recycling-loving selves and go with used.
I spent a few days scouring craigslist for a not-too-used and not-too-expensive crib, and after a near miss on my first choice we struck gold. I got everything I wanted in this little gem: light wood color to match the other furniture in the room, simple design, functioning drop-side (since I'm a munchkin myself), and a storage drawer.
The family this came from had two girls, neither of which took to the crib but slept in mom & dad's room instead, so the crib has mainly been used for storage up to this point. That means no little tooth marks on the rails, no wear-and-tear- it's practically brand new. And I got it for next to nothing, so I think I can safely say that we scored.
Now I just need a little human to go in it.